Self-Care is Contagious!!

Happy November!!! 

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This is the time of year where Halloween has come and gone; and miraculously there is Christmas music playing everywhere you go.  For many, the theme of the holidays is about love, gifts, and cheer. For others, this time of year can be extremely stressful with the  thought of giving gifts, financial obligations, workplace issues and family concerns.  

In meeting with several people over the past two weeks,  I noticed a common thought pattern; a mindset; that people do not believe they are allowed to take care of themselves and that everyone else comes first.  This leaves the door open for others to pull people every which way creating lack of regard for their own needs.  Their mindset is that they DO NOT MATTER.

My message to my clients, friends, family and to YOU reading this, is that YOU DO MATTER!!!!

Let me repeat, YOU DO MATTER!!!!   

Let me give it to you this way, however you choose to treat yourself, is often how others will treat you.  Basically, you are teaching people how to treat you on a daily basis. Your message to those in your circle has to be solid. It has to be grounded in truth and the belief that you come first.  You cannot be effective in your giving if you have nothing to give.  If you are depleted of strength, wisdom, love and compassion, none of these things can be shared or given to another.   

It is my belief that Self-Care is Contagious.  I said this to a client recently and her eyes got big as she realized that she was responsible for how others saw her.  I took the time to explain my statement to help her understand the importance of self-care.  Here are my points to help you understand further:

When you model how to care for yourself, you are teaching people the following:

1. Your importance

2. How to value your time 

3. How to be sensitive to others

4. How to do the same for themselves in regards to their other relationships

Imagine if your life and your level of self-care became a powerful message to those around you.  Imagine if those around you began to do the same for themselves becoming more self-reliant, self-confident and empowered.  Imagine instead of giving all you have, giving a message of growth and strength.  When you begin take care of you, people begin to see you different. Although a few may be bothered that they can no longer suck you dry, many will be happy for you and will catch the bug to follow suit.  Self-care is important!!!! Self-care is contagious!!! This is a good bug to have, let's infect others!!!  Please take care of yourself!!!

-Selah (Pause. Reflect. Revive). 

The Push!!

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Good Morning Wonderful People!!  The sun is shining and the breeze is just right on this chilly morning. I am sure that someone is not feeling 100% at this moment and may even feel like the world is slowing down.  Honestly, I felt like that for a minute, just a minute.....and then I remembered the message I told myself yesterday morning...."Failure is NOT an option."  

There are two things that can happen when you are feeling overwhelmed, slowed down and stuck:  You stay in that place or you push through.  We all have choices. If you stay there then you do not have to deal with any of the tasks at that moment.  I thought about just leaving some things undone, but then I realized that by doing so, the overall outcome will not be what I desired.  Therefore, I searched deep down for the strength and encouragement to push through.  

Keep in mind that your success it not about your feelings, it is about your vision and the ability to push through to see it through.  Find the strength within, remember your goals, your mission and your purpose.  The results will be long lasting and not temporary. The Push is necessary!!! The Push is everything!!!!  Remain Focused!!! 

-Selah (Pause. Reflect. Revive)

Prioritizing YOU!

Happy Thursday, Everyone!!!

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In a day and age where everyone wants things instantly: food, answers, money, rewards,love... you name it, it can be pretty frustrating. Frustrating? Yes, especially, when you are expected to be everything to everyone instantly.  This is not only impossible but it is dangerous to your mindset about yourself.  

Have you ever felt like you give so much that you no longer value yourself and the importance of caring for you?  Well, this is common.  However, today, I want to share with you some points that are helpful when prioritizing YOU. It helps you to be OK with YOU meaning you take the steps to put you first. Self-care is imperative! It is necessary!!! Have you ever heard, you cannot give from an empty vessel?  I know I have, but BOY have I tried even when I was completely depleted of my strength and desire.  

Here are 5 things you can begin today that will change your life:

1. SCHEDULE TIME DAILY/WEEKLY THAT IS SOLELY DESIGNATED FOR YOU.  It can be quiet time/meditation, Zumba, a spa day, a hike, a movie date for one, or even siting in the park "people watching."  You choose the activity, but make sure it is what you want to do and be sure to enjoy every moment of it.  

2.  BECOME FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF.  Learn to enjoy being alone especially if you find yourself catering to others every time you are with someone.  Your time alone is about learning about your wants, desires, dislikes, dreams, and hopes.  It is about reestablishing your self-worth and reclaiming your commitment to YOURSELF.  Learn to laugh at yourself. Learn to correct yourself. Learn to be friends with yourself.  

3. ESTABLISH A HOBBY. Hobbies are one of the best things that will help in addressing stress.  For me, I enjoy crocheting.  Crocheting can be cathartic.  From the moment I begin crocheting the stress is instantly released through my hands.  Hobbies can serve as a form of grounding yourself mentally.  It is a time of peace.  That time is yours.  

4. ACCOUNTABILITY IS NECESSARY.   Accountability to yourself is making sure that whatever  you decide to do for YOU actually takes place.  It may be helpful to select one or two friends/loved ones who can check in with you to make sure you are holding to your commitment until it becomes habit. 

5. DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING CARE OF YOU! From the very moment you establish a plan of action on the Journey of YOU, do not feel bad about any part of it.  If someone reaches out to ask a favor and it is during your "YOU" time, it is okay to say that you are not available.  You do not owe anyone an apology for taking care of YOU.  Once you resolve this in your mind, your self-care and commitment to life will improve tremendously. 

These 5 steps are just the beginning to a better and stronger YOU.  Let the work begin!!!! 

-SELAH (Pause. Reflect. Revive)

The Beginning of a Therapeutic Relationship

Good Morning!!

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Today I am excited to share something that I find to be so important. It is connected to and actually birthed out of the concept of Customer Service.  Recently, I resigned from my full-time job as a Bureau Chief (Behavioral Health) where I supervised a large staff.  Upon making the decision to leave, my staff would stop me as I walked around the Bureau to tell me how I made them feel, how I encouraged them, how I approached situations, and how I showed humanity towards everyone.  This made me feel amazing, as for me my character is so important to me.  My life as a leader (not a Boss) and supervisor has been paramount in terms of ensuring that individuals know how to impact others even in the most stressful situations.  

In May 2017, I launched my private practice Selah Wellness & Therapeutic Services, LLC in Prince George's County, Maryland.  The calls came immediately, way faster than I anticipated, which was a true blessing to me.  What I realized is that about every other new client I received a call from would say things like, "You are the only one that answered the phone," "You were only one that was nice and took the time to speak with me," "You sounded so nice and welcoming on the phone," and "You helped me even though you did not take my insurance."  I have to admit that I was happy to know how I made them feel in the beginning or continuing their therapy journey.  

With this joy also came sadness and disappointment in hearing that there were clinicians who were not no so kind, patient and supportive when callers were seeking services.  Callers shared how they were met with, "I am not taking any new clients now!," or "I don't take your insurance" with no feedback or support in connecting them to another resource.  There are many with the mindset that the therapeutic relationship begins at the first appointment. I beg to differ, the therapeutic relationship for me begins at the first call.  

Now, don't get me wrong, it is not your responsibility to do the follow up or leg work for the prospective client, but it is your responsibility to ensure that the client feels safe even when calling.  Please keep this in mind. A little kindness goes a long way especially during the first call.  That person may be inclined to send others your way or even choose to pay out of pocket because of how you presented and your skill set.  It is your humanity and character that guides your interactions with those in need. Remember, The Therapeutic Relationship Begins At The First Call.  

SELAH (Pause. Reflect. Revive)